"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning." John lays the foundation of his book with the coming of Christ as the fulfillment of prophecy. The "Word" of God which said "Let there be light!" has brought forth our world. And that Word being Christ was with God. The Word also has no beginning or end for it states, in the beginning was the Word. This Word was also the prophecy of the forefathers. "A King will come in the line of David." "A Messiah, a Helper, a Servant" This prophecy of Word was FROM Christ, who was with the Father in the creation, but also WAS He.
"In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness but the darkness has not understood it." Christ was the life, and he was the light. He was amongst us, but we had not understood the author of life and light.
"Yet to all who received him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" We became His children not by our will, but by His will, when we chose him. He became ours as we chose him, We became His as He chose us.
"For law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." Law-the system of rules that a particular country or community recognizes as regulating the actions of its members and may enforce by the imposition of penalties Grace- the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
The Law regulated us, because there were no other way God could control us to come to Him for we are imperfect and sinful. Also recognize how the Law was "given" through Moses, but grace and truth "came" through Jesus Christ. Once again stating that the ultimate authority came from Jesus, who was God. And Christ has given us the freedom, rather than being regulating, He gave us this huge favor which brought us into a manifestation of God's love. The Law showed us that we are sinners, and grace accepted sinners. We need to recognize Christ for bestowing His huge favor upon us and always keep in mind that He is God and became in place of sin for us sinners. Why? for us.
Today. I moved into my dads house. 10 years have i lived with my 큰엄마 &큰아빠. Long but short. hated but loved. safe yet so insecure. comfortable yet uneasy. Theres a lot on my mind. I was a bitter child. I held such anguish toward them. The way I was, was their fault. Not mine. I was bad in school because of them. I was insecure because of them. I became who I am because of them. I was depressed because of them. My life was the way it was because of them. Things never seemed to be the way it should be. My life seemed to be in a mess, but it was always in a unneglectable order. My routine of life revolved around that house. I thought of it as a habitat rather than a home. But boy sure do 10 years change things around. When I was first proposed with the idea of moving out to my dads place was very inconvenient. I didnt feel that total satisfaction. It wasnt that relief of mind. I didnt have that YES! FINALLY! But more like oh...
I felt that void, when i started packing at the other house. Literally it was bittersweet. I was in for the freedom but i wasnt ready for the change. I completely wiped out the house of my stuff and just left. I was to give 큰엄마 a call, but I had to go straight to work. Couldnt even unload my luggage. It felt so disturbing. 10 years worth of my life seemed to have been crumpled up in a paper and thrown in a garbage bin in matter of hours. Its a new start but for now i feel the way i feel.
큰엄마 said when she came home and found out that I was gone without a notice, she got a bit teary. Im sure she did. I'm actually gittn a bit teary about now. I dont know what I miss. The house? Her? Henry? My comfort? She said 수고했어 내 아들 as she hugged me, when she visited the new place with my bedsheets. I hated with passion at one point and now I almost feel bad for her. OH MAN. This is weird.
My past 10 years didnt go down at once like a great toilet flush. It leaves its remnants behind. And here am I suffering from it. I feel like an infant stripped from my pacifier. The infants gotta move on to be a toddler. Hes gotta walk now, cant stay crawling sucking on a pacifier forever. Life goes on.
Lately ive been wandering my path. A lot of thoughts and thinking. I am the crumbiest loser, as Holden Caulfield would put it. Work. Work. Work. It's been taking over my life. No friends. No relationships. All thats left is bread and money. HAHA. Whatevers happened to my 'I love Jesus'. It's not that i dont love Him. I still do. I pray, I go up to alter calls, and shed some tears and redeem my life time after time. But it was all in vain, if the outcome is still the same. I love Jesus, but I love sinning even more. It's been getting out of hand. I still have to fulfill my calling, but im just too distressed. Gotta get back. somehow.
Theres someone ive been wanting to get close to. and i did. but its so weird. we fight all the time. its either he gets mad at me or im mad at him. its just on-going. and were both guys. i feel like im dating a girl i think girls arent half as bad. its funny. he gets mad at me the day before and the morning after he texts me first. then i text him later during the day and he doesnt reply to me but he replies to the guy sitting next to me. douche. do i really need to get into this? maybe its me. im being sensitive. i was like you never freaken reply cus i saw that he was replying every 4 seconds to the guy next to me, i wanted to see his response. and his response was 'too busy talking to billy'. billy was sitting next to me. and he mentions him. does he want me jealous or something? i feel like a little school girl ranting about her life on myspace. WTF. yes i do get jealous. honestly. i do. That nigga tells me about his little hangouts he had with some of MY friends, and tells me about how hes going to sixflags and telling me come. Its js been ridicoolus.
older i get, i sense a stronger need for a good friend. a real friend. ive always been the "everyone's friend" figure. knowing everyone. the reality is that there is a level of great difficulty to actually engage in a great relationship with that one person or two. you are pretty successful at life when you do have that few friends. real ones. as we were just chatting away at mcdonalds today, with an ice cream, they were addressing that the problem was in me. i was the people pleaser of the crowd. never stuck to any clique because it sounded ridiculous. but as life gets hard to do, you do need the extra assistance.
but as my heart is yearning for a wordly relationship, God is seeking a divine relationship with me. more than anything i do need Him more. His presence in my life. in the vanity of relationships, God still shines through it. He was, and is, and will be my friend for eternity and a day. amazing isnt it? A God that can move the planets at the push of his finger tip desires to be MY friend. in fact He's jealous when i dont crave Him.
I still am seeking great friends. but God will most definitely satisfy my needs of a friend. As David was a friend of God, I desire to be that friend with Him. in time, when i am in God's favor, He will find me a suitable helper/friend. For now, i need God more. more than the air i breathe. more than anything. I need Him more right now.
"If one falls down. his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"-Ecclesiastes 4:10
i just came back from retreat yesterday. second retreat of the summer. my goodness ive never done so much for a retreat in my life. it takes so much effort. i made the retreat poster, shirt, and booklet this time. but through the hardwork, im glad others were blessed through it.
the retreat started on last thursday and our lovely pastor, P.Diddy asked me if i could make a shirt in 2 hours. i was like ill try. we originally werent gonna do a shirt at all but ended up doing it. THE LAST MINUTE. i was at Denny's enjoying breakfast as i got the text. as soon as i got to church i took the computer and started working on it. i was done with the design i had in mind in like three hours. but someone told me it was too empty. so i had to add in some more details. i worked 8 hours straight on the design. surprisingly God was with me the whole time. the shirts came out great. the best shirt ive made this summer.
loves it. hahaa.
lets git into the retreat. freedom in spirit was the theme. we had a guest speaker who was an old friend of our pastor. i expected him to be like this bambambam pastor. rather than the guest speaker, the Spirit was really moving us. not the pastor, not the schedule but the Spirit.. the pastor said the Spirit is in us, and with us but He has to be upon us. Hallelujah. once the Holy Spirit is upon us we have that sort of power which He moves us with. last two nights, we just prayed and prayed. we didnt have messages. i prepared all the sermon notes for the messages but most of them were not used. Just because the Holy Spirit was the one that was controlling everything happening. woahhh. God is good. He broke chains of sin of many and lives were being healed in Jesus name. I couldnt pray for myself for long, God was telling me to go pray for others. At this retreat, we had these banged out kids. who were drenched in this worldly cool lifestyle. many of them repented and turned their backs but still a few had problems. i prayed for this one guy Chris. He was new at the church didnt know anyone. seemed like he was also in the lifestyle. i prayed several times throughout the retreat. his heart was hardened. but he came to accept Christ. As i prayed for others and settled to pray for myself. God was keep telling me to go pray for others. So i did. and on last night, i was praying "God. break me.. break me." The moment i broke down was when half of the retreat people went up to the alter call. i was so thankful i teared up and i automatically came on my knees. i was crying in joy. the people that went upto the alter call also got baptized, we had 41 people baptized at the swimming pool that very last night. amazing aint it.
God is going to continue to work like this in this generation. and that night we had a open mic for people that had a vision or prophecy to share. kids were prophesying. and three of them were saying we are the last generation. we really need to wake up now. and go out there. just be ready.
im so excited for the things that are about to take place in this generation. its the chosen generation. INCREDIBLE things are going to happen.
"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people.Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days."
Utah mission 09. it was one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime. it was totally evident of God's power working through the people. our goal and the theme of this mission was "Let the Water Flow in the Wilderness". one of our mission was to dig a pipeline for the church at the Navajo reservation. from the first day that mission was to be forgotten for the church had to go through a government process and it wasnt easy at all. even though the physical water couldnt flow but there was something more to it: God's Spirit poured down the everlasting water on the souls of Navajos. physical water wasnt important when the the souls were so dry and arrid like the place itself. Monument Valley. a famous place for filming many western movies. very hot with desert-like temperature. God had given me a verse before i had started the mission. before we got to our final destination, we stayed at a church in arizona. i woke up around 5 and came outside and started my daily devotionals. as i finished praying something poked me to look at the time. I picked up my phone and the screen displayed 5:06. as soon as i saw the time, the Holy Sprited prompted me to turn to Isiah 5:06. I got all hopes up for an amazing verse to encourage me. and it said:
"I will make it a wasteland, neither pruned nor cultivated, and briers and thorns will grow there. I will command the clouds not to rain on it."
Lord Jesus have mercy. Arizona and Monument Valley is hot. it's a wasteland, you really cant grow much here. theres not much rain. theres thorns and briers. it's just like what it said. instead of encouraging words, it came to discourage me. I asked God what He's saying in the verse. and just now i have the answer to that. why God gave me this verse. God told me that He has made these hearts grow cold, so that they know what theyre missing in their lives. Just as I am so used to the perfect not too cold, not too hot California weather, when i went to utah and arizona i felt uncomfortable. i hated the hotnessm i wanted my california back. just as that, God has made their hearts dry so that they will seek God and we could lead them to the water. and truly it has worked. I thank God so much for His workings in this camp. the faces of the Navajo candidates in the camp has changed 180 degrees throughout the camp. hardened hearts were broken. new believers added to His kingdom.
my original intention to go to utah was for ME to change. i sought after that breakthrough in MY life. God didn't completely break my heart. i wanted it a lot. but now i see a reason in His doing. He said 'eddie, youre not here to be blessed, youre here to bless them'. i had to set my priorities straight. serving with the right heart mattered. i had to go back to the question why im serving. is for self-satisfaction or is it just following a command. you see, when you do something for self-satisfaction it would be a service. we werent there doing anything special. it really wasnt anything. we were suppose to be doing what we were doing. and therefore there was no need of getting any applause for the actions that we took. when we serve i think we must serve with a heart of servitude not service. servitude means to be in a condition of slave and to be under the complete control of someone. that someone is God. when we have accepted Christ, we signed our contract to be slaves of a master called Christ. we are captivated by the love of Christ and we cannot leave it. and we must follow the complete commands of our master. Jesus has commanded us to preach the good news to all creation. it is our duty to fulfull the Great Commission and Great Commandment. nothing special, just following the calls of our master. therefore we shouldnt think of what we did as something that is so great and think 'wow, i did something for God'. Silly one, ill tell you that you are suppose to be doing it.
I began this mission with the heart of wanting to gain something for myself but ended knowing the joy of serving the master. not with service but with servitude.
people often mistake me as an apathetic person. i really could seem like it. my lack of attention toward them, lack of words... most of the time i could seem as though that someone that doesnt care about life and about people around me. deep deep down inside i really care each and everyone. almost everyone. in others hardships i may not be so visible to them to notice me, but im watching them. i know they are going through it and i care. i wish people could see my real heart for them. im just an average korean guy that doesnt like to show him feelings much. im js not too familiar with sharing about my feelings toward them. thats all.
i git mad at little things. big things dont bother me. i always hated my parents for being mad at me for littlest things. now im doing the same. smaller things git to me. its true when you become like your parents even when you hated the way they were. youve inherited their traits without noticing it. ahh. - i kind of got interested in shirt designs, streetwear, and all that. it seems pretty fun. i never liked shirts overloaded with design. simplicity and keeping it real. thats what im gonna do. _ sony alpha 350. thats what i want. screw d60, xsi. i want an alpha 350. $750. not an easy amount in this time of depression. my birthdays in 3 monthes. this would be so great. i really pray i could win a couple art contests to pay for this beauty. there are times you really wanna capture the moment. but you just have to miss it because your camera aint good enough. i love film camera but the prices of keeping one is overwhelming.
i just hate that '14.2 megapixel' on the corner. it seems to mess up the entire exterior.
_ i love Rose. i really do. her smile stayed the same. she looks cuter cus the other girls are just nono's.